Of Kings, Queens and Castles
by FlowerofAdversity
Summary: A sort of precursor to 'Monarch', and a segue into 'Prince of Tides' which is forthcoming.  A new villain has appeared in the Spies lives, and oddly enough, he is a sorceror named King Laertes.


Of Kings, Queens, and Castles

Synopsis: A Totally Spies, Sam-centric hero/villain romance fiction. A new villain named Laertes is kidnapping teenage girls and dressing them in medieval princess outfits, all in an attempt to find the perfect queen.

"I'm still bound, hellishly so."—Jack Sparrow, POTC: On Stranger Tides

Chapter 1—The Melancholy of Samantha

Clover and Alex couldn't understand why Sam had been so down in the dumps recently. More than likely it was because Clover and Alex had boyfriends of their own and since it was the month of May, myriads of weddings were taking place and she felt singled out, if you will pardon the pun.

"Maybe some food at the mall would help you forget your loneliness. Come on, Sam. This isn't like you. Normally you're the one who's like, uplifting all of us.", Clover stated with concern.

"If we do take her to the mall it should be us girls only. No guys allowed. I know a good manipedi would cause all your blues to melt away.", Alex said, taking her friend's hand and patting it reassuringly. Samatha dabbed some errant tears from her emerald eyes.

"You're right, gals. Let's get moving. A little exercise and pampering is exactly what I need.", Samatha agreed. Without further ado, the ladies headed to the local mall and savored some chilly fruit smoothies along with Caesar Salads. However, their enjoyement was soon halted when Jerry WHOOPED them right out of the food court and down into WHOOP headquarters.

Chapter 2—King Laertes' Plot

"Jer, could you at least _warn_ us when you're going to do that ?", Clover fumed, straightening out her mussy hair. It looked as if the three ladies had stuck their fingers into light sockets. Fortunately, some vigorous brushing smoothed their hairdos back into place.

"What's the sudden emergency _now_ ? Why is it every single time we're out enjoying ourselves that you WHOOP us away ?", Alex grumbled.

"If it wasn't serious I wouldn't have brought you here in the first place !", Jerry responded seriously with some anger in his voice. The girls' complaining had ceased immediately.

"Sorry, Jer.", the ladies said, chagrinned of their complaining.

"Recently, teenage girls have been kidnapped and hypnotized into wearing Medieval style dresses. According to the intel special ops has collected, the man's name is King Laertes.", Jerry said.

"What's his dealio, then ? It's a bit weird to brainwash young ladies into wearing dresses that are _waaaay_ out of style.", Clover said, turning her nose up at the restrictive style the dresses offered.

"It's said that this Magician is looking for a king. In order to do so, he has been stealing adolescent girls from their everyday lives and spending a week with them. If they match all his criteria, then he turns that lady into his Queen.", Jerry said.

"These girls need our help. Let's get moving, there's no time to lose.", Sam said, enthusiastically. The three were rapidly dressed via GLADYS with her use of vaccuum tubes. They had wireless comms adorning their ears, and their powder comms affixed magnetically to their utility belts. All the gadgets they would ever require were in those belts. They didn't need a briefing about the situation. All they needed to do was follow the map that Sam's GPS displayed. Within moments, they would be on their way to King Laertes' Lair.

Chapter 3—Fit For Royalty

As the girls road aback the updated SpyCycle 2.0, they felt as if they were experiencing Tron: Legacy in reality. The Spies grew closer and closer to Laertes' stronghold, a massive, 14th Century Castle, still intact. All of the ladies had been brought up with fairy tales and seeing this enormous work of masonry and art made them feel nostalgic. Nodding to one another, they ran into the castle. Little did they realize that Mandy was one of Laertes' captives.

Without being detected, the Spies were able to sneak in to the collosal castle. There must've been at least 1,000 rooms or more. One of them was a library, for testing the ladies' skill in a multitude of topics, another a music room, another an armory and etcetera. There seemed to be plenty of secret passageways, which made the castle even more labrnythine than the girls would've originally liked. Eventually, they made it into the main foyer of the castle, where banners bearing King Laertes' blue morpho crest hung along the flying buttresses. It was easy to become lost in the architecture and the décor, but the ladies could now observe exactly what the King was up to.

Currently, King Laertes had rejected 13 possible candidates and was sizing up Mandy.

Mandy was in a glorious, flowing fushia gown that brought out her natural pink highlights. A sparkling tiara bedecked her head. She was practically giddy in the dress, admiring the sequened slippers that were reminiscent of Dorthy's ruby ballet flats from _The Wizard of Oz_.

"I trust all of this is to your liking, m'lady.", Laertes said, taking Mand'y silken gloved hand up to his lips kissing it.

"Guy's a real charmer, that's for certain.", Alex commented.

"He's not bad looking either.", Clover chimed in quietly over her ear-comm. They hid behind suits of decorative armor, inconspicous and silent as shinobi.

"Wait for my sign, then we begin to infiltrate.", Sam commanded, confidently. Little did she know that Laertes was much smarter than he appeared to be and his illusionary skills were about to thwart her attempts at freeing every single one of the 'princesses' in training.

Chapter 4—A New BFF

When Sam saw an opening, she waved for her friends to start moving in to spring the young girls from their 'gilded cages'. Many of the ladies went willingly, because they found Laertes, even if he was modern and handsome, to be horridly boring. Sam, Clover and Alex began setting up time released sleep blisters and waited until the King was distracted by urgent business.

"Excuse me, but I must be off to the loo. Don't go anywhere, my lovely lilac.", Laertes said as he left Mandy behind. As he was leaving, he activated one of the blisters and immediately fell asleep.

"We don't have much time. Those only last a few minutes !", Sam alerted her friends. The blisters were new tech, and the warning was appropriate, because no sooner had they rescued Mandy and a few other ladies that Sam was pulled into Laertes' grasp. Her ear comm had fallen out of her ear and had been trampled during the mass exit of princesses.

Thinking that Sam was still following them, the other Spies escaped with every lady Laertes had ever kidnapped and a very grateful Mandy.

"I couldn't thank you enough for getting me out of that depressing castle. I always wanted to be a princess. Guess what they say about being careful what you wish for is true. Anyway, I don't know why I loathed you girls so much in the beginning. I think, like, we should let bygones be bygones and start being bffs.", Mandy said, as she was carried out of the castle and back home..

"Is that promise binding, Mandy ? Or is this another one of your tricks ?", Clover asked, dubiously.

"Like, it's no trick, Clove ! I was wrong to bully you girls. Besides, I was wondering if maybe I could become a Spy myself.", Mandy offered.

"Erm, I don't know about that. That doesnt sound like a very good idea.", Alex whispered to Clover.

"We'll get back to you on that.", Clover said, quickly flashing a 'memory loss' bulb, causing Mandy to forget everything that had happened and blinding her temporarily. Alex couldn't help but laugh slightly at the situation.

"It couldn't be helped, and it _isn't_ funny.", Clover retorted, some harshness in her voice. Mandy and the ladies had been returned to their respective homes and the Spies returned home, exausted from saving damsels in distress, never thinking once they had left their most important friend and asset behind in enemy territory.

Chapter 5—Strange Surroundings

No sooner had the wizard captured Sam had she been anestetized. Laertes had removed her catsuit and dressed her gingerly in a positively radiant emerald gown, complete with emerald pendant and emerald tiara to accent her eyes. His kiss would awaken her as soon as dawn broke.

Somehow, Laertes had a hunch that this particular lady fair was exactly who he had been waiting for, and it was providential that she just happened upon his doorstep, or drawbridge, rather. It felt like Sam was Princess Aurora, the Sleeping Beauty of Disney fame cursed by the evil sorceress Maleficent. She turned in her new bed with a moan. A day before, she didn't get a lot of sleep.

Sam had felt the sensation of silk touching her lips. Before she knew it, she had awakened.

A rather dashing King stood over her bedside, gazing at her in wonder and reverence. He was a brunette, his hair slightly wavy, with dazziling blue eyes and a sparkling kilowatt smile that could take any woman's breath away. His features were robust. It was obvious this King ate healthy foods and exercised constantly. Normally Sam would've turned into gelatin if she saw a man like this scoping her out on Venice Beach, but this was a different scenario entirely.

"What are you doing ? Why am I dressed like this ? Who _are _ you ?", she screamed at the top of her lungs, desperately freaking out and wanting to dash for the nearest door or window. Laertes began to speak, his British accent elegantly cultured and melliflous.

"It was rude of me to do what I did without asking. I was overcome with your radiance. Allow me to explain myself. As you already know, I'm Laertes. I have been kidnapping young ladies and testing them to see whether they would be suitable companions for me. None have fit the bill, not even close !", Laertes began. Sam began to feel sorry for the King, knowing all too well what it was like to feel alone and misunderstood in the world and simply want companionship.

"The way you were going about it is all wrong, Laertes. I see you're a man of modern thinking and it defies my own logic as to why you committed a felony simply to find love.", Sam said as the King lead her around the castle and showed her his treasures as well as the up-to-date furnishings of his chambers and back to the dining area, where they would be enjoying lunch together.

"I am well aware of that. Yet, being a wizard puts me at liberty to exercise my abilities. Granted, I didn't employ the most considerate or pragmatic methods. I hate to admit this, but I was beginning to feel desperate.", Laertes confessed. Eagerly, Laertes servants began to dote on Sam and give her anything her redheaded heart desired. She felt rather pampered, even spoiled. She mused to herself that she could begin to like living like this; even love it if need be.

All the while the two began to know each other, and slowly but surely, Sam was won over by Laertes' charm, wit, good looks, philosophy and character. Now that he was in the process of gaining a Queen for himself, however, it was unsure of what Laertes' next plan would become. Needless to say, Sam had uncovered goodness within this villain's love-sick heart, revealing that he wasn't such a bad person after all.

Chapter 6—Jerry's Scolding

Immediately the next day, Clover and Alex were grilled by Jerry for having lost Sam so easily.

"In the mob, we couldn't afford to stand still !", Alex confirmed, being completely honest.

"Yeah ! Those frantic girls, like, they could've trampled us.", Clover quipped.

"Easily !", Alex added.

"I know that and you handled the situation well regardless. But Sam is in Laertes' grasp now.", Jerry said. He then noticed that the Spies' former enemy, now bff, Mandy had joined them.

"And what exactly is _she_ doing here ?", Jerry questioned, the vein in his forehead beginning to throb from anger and annoyance. He was getting too old for this.

"I'll field this one. Alex _attempted_ to wipe my memory clean of the incident that happened yesterday. I only remember bits and pieces, but I recall the first time I helped you girls out. Remember that one jittery coffee obsessed dude ? I totally kicked that guy's butt ! Not sure why he had it in for your girls, but leave Mandy to the rescue ! Ta-da !", Mandy bragged. Clover lowered her head into her hand, thinking,

"Why did I let her talk me into bringing her _here_ ? Just KMN."

Jerry sighed, with a hint of frustration.

"I know everything you say is true, Mandy, but to be honest, you have to back it up with training. If you _truly_ want to help the cause of WHOOP, I warn you, it will be rigorous, and even perilous. Are you up to the challenge ?", he asked. He prayed that what he was about to do wasn't going to come back to bite him in the end.

"Sure ! Sign me up, dude ! I can totally take the pressure !", Mandy replied, enthusiastically.

Immediately, Jerry pressed a few buttons.

"Very well. Bon chance.", he said, as GLADYS whisked her away into a training area, newly outfitted ina purple catsuit and all the gadgets necessary for an operation. He, Clover and Alex only hoped that she would survive the enervating testing to come.

Chapter 7—Back to Castle Laertes

After the training was complete, the three girls ran all the way torcycles to Laertes' castle. When they stopped, Mandy panted for breath slightly, but she had more than enough energy in her body to continue on. During her training she began to recover fragments of her memory of her last mission (the "Coffee Haus" mission).

"Remember, Mandy. We'll go in as covertly as possible.", Alex said in a whisper. Clover and Mandy nodded, understanding Alex's commands. The drawbridge of the castle was already opened, so they walked across quietly. Through Alex's viewfinder, she saw laser tripwires that could signal their arrival.

"Turn on your viewfinders !", she said, to which the other girls obeyed, following protocol.

Quickly, they tumbled, flipped and shimmied under wires as not to activate the complicated security system Laertes had set in place.

"For a guy who enjoys the Medieval Period so much, he certainly is technologically saavy.", Mandy commented in a hushed tone. The three quickly infiltrated the castle, looking around for Samatha, wherever she was being held. It seemed that Laertes was testing her in a variety of subjects and niceties. He quickly tired of his usual method of confirming a potential mate.

"This is pointless. I should've known from the start that you were far superior than any of the other women I tested. I never should've given you such a gaunlet of tasks.", Laertes said, remorsefully. Sam caressed his hand.

"I did it willingly to prove myself.", Sam said, with a wink.

"I like you more and more, my dear.", Laertes said, moving in to kiss her fully on the lips.

It had been a month since the two had been together and he had thought seriously of making her his queen. But once she was queen, then what ? His whole purpose of being would be defeated. Surely his magic would be useful in plotting his scheme to take over the world. After mulling all of the conflicting thoughts over in his mind, he arrived at a conclusion.

"Marry me, Sam ! Become my Queen !", he said, almost pleadingly. Mandy had arrived to the throne room first and could no longer keep her silence.

"Oh my gosh ! This is so exciting ! To think we were coming in here to steal away your bride to be ! Alex, Clover, shame on you both ! You never filled me in on that important detail !", Mandy scolded her partners. Clover hit her face with her palm, completely embarassed.

"Mandy ? No...way. Don't tell me she...", Sam began.

"In your absense I convinced Jerry to train me in the ways of espionage.", Mandy explained.

"And honestly, she's really incredible.", Alex commented. Mandy blushed at the praise.

"Well, my beloved...what is your answer ?", Laertes asked, his eyes gleaming with adoration, desire and hope. Sam placed a finger to her chin and thought long and hard about the proposal. After all, she had been courted by Laertes for a lengthy amount of time; longer than any of her so-called 'boyfriends'. Laertes had been nothing but kind and he had treated her with every common courtesy. They also had incredibly many characteristics in common.

"Jerry won't like this, but yes. I do wish to marry you. You do understand that once you take this path, you cannot return, right, Laertes ?", Sam said, holding the hands of her soon-to-be mate tightly in hers. Laertes nodded, knowing full well what he was getting into. Whatever endeavor he had to face, he would breech the very gates of hell and back for Sam's love.

Chapter 8—A Touch of Magic

At first, Jerry wasn't keen on having this unusual magician in his midst. He had been known to be tricky as well as cunning. Laertes swore those days were over. Besides, he admitted he had never delved into necromancy. He only used benevolent magic, even if the intents were for his advantage.

"Think of what I could do once initiated. WHOOP could use a touch of magic.", Laertes admitted, being punny and clever.

"Don't make me regret training you Laertes. If you go rogue, you do _not_ want to be on my bad side. Ne cest pa ?", Jerry said, sternly. Laertes knew that Jerry meant business, particularly since his dark eyes were boring directly into his soul. Laertes swore he felt icicles prickling the back of his neck. Gulping, he simply nodded, not knowing what obstacles lay ahead of him. He turned to the training area's door, where his bride-to-be, Sam, was waiting for him. She gave him a wink.

It took a month of intensive training but Laertes surpassed Jerry's expectations. His magical prowess was certainly impressive and awe-inspiring. He even had the ability to heal when the opportunity presented itself.

"I can be a self-appointed medic. Ne need for your Spy-Aid Kits.", Laertes said, playfully nudging Sam in the side, causing her to titter like a schoolgirl.

"But I was just getting used to operating one properly !", Mandy complained with a bit of a sigh. But, to be quite honest, she was relieved she didn't have to figure out the complicated steps to open one of the Kits by memory.

"This is all well and good, Spies, but Laertes hasn't earned his wings, figuratively speaking. Thus far, there hasn't been any disturbance, civil or otherwise. When the time comes, though, I'm certain Laertes will show us what he can do.", Jerry said.

"Oh, I have a few tricks up my sleeve.", Laertes retorted, causing the girls to laugh. Jerry had to laugh himself. Not only was the wizard brilliant, but funny. He could see why Sam was so attracted to him. The only trouble Sam had now was getting her mother Gabrielle to see eye-to-eye with her about the upcoming wedding.

Chapter 9—Alchemy Of Love

May came all too quickly for Gabrielle's liking. She and her father _did not_ approve of their daughter marrying an ex-supervillian, and a wizard at that. Many times Gabrielle had tete-a-tetes with her daughter demanding she nullify her agreement to marry Laertes.

"Can't you see, Samantha Anne ? He is _playing_ you. How do you know this isn't some sort of enchantment you're under ?", Gabrielle asked, heatedly. Sam, typically not one to become upset, stomped her foot to the ground, angrily.

"Mother, I _love_ Laertes. I fell for him out of my own willpower. He has done nothing but pamper me since the day I met him. If you got to know him, you'd see just how fantastic he truly is. Give him a chance, mom.", Sam pleaded. Gabrielle snorted, raising her nose in the air in defiance.

She was not about to be dictated to by her own daughter, a sixteen year old who didn't comprehend the idea of true love whatsoever. Yet, she had to admit there was conviction behind her daughter's words and what she had heard about Laertes was nothing but positive. In any event, Sam was going to be married to him whatever occurred. Slowly but surely, she wrapped her mind around the idea.

Loving her daughter as much as she did, she would support her, even if she didn't condone her decision or agree in Sam's choice of a mate. Her tune would soon change once she met the charming sorcerer, as would her dad's.

That evening, Laertes began to use his charisma, charm and wit on Gabrielle and her husband Daniel. Daniel was a smidgen more difficult to convince than Gabrielle, even though Gabrielle seemed to be more resistant to her daught'er's decision to marry so early. Yet Gabrielle was certain this man would take excellent care of her daughter, even if she and Daniel were oblivious to what sort of work the two of them engaged in on a near daily basis.

May 17th came very rapidly and the wedding was underway. The ceremony was held on the beaches of Nice, where the sound of the crashing waves and seagulls set the background for a wedding that was not about to be forgotten by Clover, Alex or Sam.

_Greensleeves_ was being played by a local symphony orchestra. Although the orchestra was small, the subwoofers and tweeters made it sound like there were over 100 members playing together in sweet harmony. Laertes stood at the altar, surrounded by friends and servants. Clover and Alex were bridesmaids and the atmosphere filled their hearts with glee.

"I wonder what Sam will look like in her dress.", Alex whispered to her friend as they waited for _Mendellson's Wedding March. _No sooner had the first strains of the classical song played that Sam emerged in a flowing white gown, gossamer and pristine. The two girls could barely hold back tears of happiness for their best girlfriend.

"She's exquisite !", Clover said, tears flowing down her cheeks. Though they were bawling, their hearts were both filled with merriment, knowing that Sam's life was going to be rapturously ecstatic.

Chapter 10—Honeymoon in Seychelles

After the reception, Alex and Laertes were carried away not by a mighty steed, but rather a dazzling white limosene. While in the limosene the young newlyweds could hardly stop smooching each other.

"I have a jet waiting back at the castle. It'll take us to Sechelles.", Laertes in between Sam's soft, sweet kisses.

"How did you afford that ?", Sam questioned, clearly impressed and surprised.

"Being an illusionist has its perks.", Laertes added, sultrily, trailing his hands up and down Sam's curves playfully.

"We'll have more time to enjoy each other more fully when we arrive at our hotel.", Sam mentioned, resting her head on Laertes' heart. Laertes felt as if he could melt in Sam's embrace.

If every day was like this, he knew that each moment was going to be precious.

Seychelles was spellbinding, especially this time of year. Years eariler, it had been a destination of Kate Middleton and her husband, Prince William. It was somewhat of a tourist destination since that time, but other than that, Seychelles was stunning and incredibly hospitible.

The people of Seychelles were overtly kind and congenial. Wherever Laertes and Sam went, the people seemed to wait on them hand and foot. By the end of the day, and all the sight-seeing that the lovers had enjoyed, Sam was ready to go to bed, but not without fulfilling her promise to her husband.

"I'm going to prepare dinner and dessert.", Laertes said, disappearing and reappearing in the kitchen to begin the alchemy of cooking.

"I'm going to put on something a bit more...comfortable.", Sam said in a sultry voice. She had already had on a form-fitting, smolderingly sexy bikini. She put on a lacy teddy with white leggings and a pristine white silk camisole. Laertes was singing merrily as he cooked until he felt the delicate hands of Sam on his chest.

"Let's do some cooking of our own, my love.", she said, in a seductive voice. Laertes turned to view his wife, and his jaw nearly dropped to the floor.

"Come to think of it, this will warm nicely for leftovers anyhow. My appetite has strangely shifted/", Laertes stated, wriggling her eyebrows at her, beginning to kiss her on the neck. He scooped her into his arms and continued kissing her, up and down the nape of her neck and on her satin lips.

Before long, the King waved a hand artistically in the air and wore nothing but a pair of print boxers with red hearts printed all over them. Sam was nearly breathless at how handsome he was shirtless, and began caressing him wildly, intently and lovingly.

Sam lowered the straps of the negligee as if it were a dance. Laertes couldn't help but be hypnotised by his wife's movements. In seconds, the two were making love until the wee hours of the morning. Exhausted, Laertes gazed into the emerald eyes of his beloved and sighed ecstatically,

"I love you, Samantha Anne !"

"I too, my Laertes. Always.", Sam returned, cuddling close to her husband before falling asleep.

Chapter 11—Castlewarming Party

The newlywed lovers were reluctant to leave Seychelles and return to their castle, but Sam was starting to show that she was pregnant. According to the doctor, she was carrying _twins_.

"It's not uncommon for women in my family to have twins, but to be honest, I'm a little concerned how I'm going to go to school and work with two little ones on the way.", Sam said. The vassals, who were Laertes' closest friends, were more than willing to babysit for the couple as they were out and about working and learning. Besides, it wouldn't be much longer that Sam would be in and out of college, living an adult life.

Clover and Alex felt it was appropriate to celebrate Sam's return to Castle Laertes with a surprise party. Sam hadn't anticipated anything when she came back to France. Sadly, she would have to sit out the next caper that the Spies were going on against Jazz Hands.

"Hey, I'll pay him back for the cruelty he did to you.", Laertes said before heading into the mission with the girls. Sam knew she could trust the word of her husband, but prayed that he would be home before her due date. Fortunately, knowing the Spies, they would have Jazz Hands at their mercy in no time.

Chapter 12—Constantina and Alexander

Sam felt guilty that she couldn't help her friends fight back in the battle of good against evil. At least Jazz Hands had been converted to a mute thanks to the ingenious thinking of Laertes.

Laertes was only too glad to be home, back to his precious wife. It had only taken one day to defeat Jazz Hand's nefarious scheme, but he couldn't be away from his beloved more than that or his heart would start to ache for her, and most especially the twins growing rapidly inside her.

The time for Sam to deliver the twins came more quickly than either of the parents would have liked, but everyone who was important to Sam had decided to celebrate the event together with her. Sam felt somewhat crowded, but with all these people around her, encouraging her silently in their hearts, she felt less nervous and more confident that the delivery wouldn't be so painful or belabored.

Although it took 5 hours for both Constantina and Alexander to come into the world (Constatina was first, hogging the spotlight and the glory before her brother was born), Laertes was pratically beside himself as he was handed his beatific twins. Tina looked like her mother, but sported a head full of brunette hair like her daddy. Alexander, or 'Alex' as he was to be called, resembled his father, only with his mom's hair. The babies were already fast asleep in their dad's arms, being rocked gently and lulled to sleep by his honeycombed baritone.

"It'll be more challenging dealing with twins, but I'm certain we'll manage. To be fair, I'll even do so without the aid of magic.", Laertes vowed. He would compensate in other ares where magic was needed most, mainly in missions with his fellow spies.

Epilogue 

As Alexander and Constantina began growing, they learned their own unique magical abilities as well as fighting prowesses and other talents. Constantina could heal, much like her dad, and she also could will plants to her whim. She also had acute abilities with animals and could even transform into animals herself. Alexander was a mighty fighter, especially when it came to fencing.

He had the ability to wield fire and command the weather. The two, still young and attending school, couldn't become spies, _yet_, but they had voiced their opinons about joining the Spies when they became older.

The Spies had seen many changes come and go to the organization. It had become larger over the years, like a family business. Alex was married to Max and her larvae were helping in the cause of good, as well as Alex and Tina. However, Clover felt like a squeaky wheel that hadn't gotten enough grease. And honestly, she hated complaining to her happily married friends. She was the eldest among them and still unmarried. Without children, she felt all the worse. Yet it seemed that the stormy clouds of Clover's life were about to lift one auspicious summer day, the day when a certain 'Prince of Tides' swept her off her feet.

To Be Continued...


End file.
